Not wanting to be a mum…

So, I’m 26 years old, my partner is 42, quite an age gap or so I’m told. We are engaged and been together for a number of years. We both have full time jobs and a place to call our own. The next step…babies…apparently.

Since announcing our engagement last Christmas, the question I get asked most is not “when’s the wedding?” It is “when are you having a baby?”

Now to me, I have a family. We have 2 cats. Loki and Charlie. I don’t see them as child substitutes, well, because they are cats but I don’t want children.

I’ve never wanted children. I have never seen the appeal of a baby growing inside me (creepy!) Or changing nappies (gross!), or having someone depend on me completely for everything until they can fend for themselves (scary!). Motherhood is not for me. My partner doesn’t have any kids from previous relationships, maybe that’s why we get on well as he doesn’t want any children either.

When people ask me the QUESTION my first thought is what business is it of yours?? After all, it means they’re asking not only about my life choices but about my sex life too…and that coming from my family members is just too gross to discuss. It also could be that we’ve been trying for however long and its not happening, we could have issues and it might not be possible for us…I imagine that would be very upsetting to be asked the question and for that to be the case.

My answer to the QUESTION is “We’re not.” The look of surprise, shock, horror and sometimes, disgust is shown on the faces of those who ask. But “WHY??” They ask. Whether it’s family members, work colleagues or friends, it’s always the same.

I don’t know why I feel I have to justify this with an answer. After all it’s 2015, I should be able to make my own choice for my body, for our relationship, for my life.

It is apparently accepted that women don’t have to stay at home and look after children, they can vote, be career driven, make decisions. That’s what magazines and TV shows tell us but in private conversations it seems that you are not normal if you don’t want to procreate.

For not wanting to put another life on this planet I have been called selfish or silly or I’ve been told “You’ll change your mind!” (Normally by my parents who I think are living in hope to get another grandchild). Having a child would make my family happy but it might not make me happy and I am not willing to take that risk.

I feel no connection to my younger family members and everyone says it’s different if it’s your own but what if it isn’t for me. I’m not willing to go through all that for a love that might never blossom, remaining years a regret, a mistake.

I am not going to become a mother, I am happy with my partner and our 2 cats. I would like to have a dog one day when our shift patterns allow it.

I am OK with not experiencing the joys of motherhood. I just wish others were as accepting of my decision as I am of those who want to be parents.

It is OK to not want to be a parent!

Sorry for the ramble!

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